You Knelt Beside My Hope Torn Apart
by Stoneage Woman
Summary: "No. I won't be fine. Not eventually, not ever. I've already been through losing you once. I won't survive it again." In the wake of Moira Queen's death, it will take all of Oliver's friends and family to stop him from sacrificing himself to save them. A mildly AU tag to 2.20 and 2.21. Threeshot. Trigger warning: contains mentions of suicide.
1. In Blackened Holes

Title: You Knelt Beside My Hope Torn Apart

A/N: This is a mildly AU tag to 2.20 'Seeing Red' and 2.21 'City of Blood'. I have already written the rest of it already so I promise you won't have to wait long for the next two updates. It's an ensemble fic which focuses on Oliver and his family after Moira's death. Hope you enjoy reading!

…

Chapter 1: In Blackened Holes

…

_You were cold as the blood through your bones  
And the light which led us from our chosen homes  
Well I was lost  
And now I sleep  
Sleep the hours that I can't weep  
When all I knew was steeped in blackened holes_

_\- Mumford and Sons, "Below My Feet"_

…_._

Walter wasn't surprised by Oliver's absence from the funeral. He still remembered that first night when Oliver returned, how he and Moira had found him sleeping on the floor, in the cold, wet spray of a thunderstorm, because he was no longer used to sleeping in a real bed. It had really hit him then; that the kid he had watched grow up, the son of one of his oldest friends, had spent the last five years stranded, _alone _on an island.

Walter would never forget that moment. The sudden brutality with which Oliver had attacked Moira when she'd tried to wake him, the guilt in his stepson's eyes when awareness had returned, the way he had crouched, panic-stricken, in a corner of his bedroom- it had left Walter reeling and horrified.

"We need to get him help," he had told Moira the second they left Oliver's bedroom, "I mean; professional help. Because that was-"

"Oh, don't be silly," she'd interrupted glibly, pretending to misunderstanding him. "This is Oliver. He would never really hurt me. It was just a nightmare."

"That wasn't_ just_ anything," Walter had replied incredulously. "The way he reacted? Can you even imagine what must have happened to make him so-?"

"Well of course he's changed, Walter," Moira had snapped, with a sudden anger that had surprised them both. After a moment's pause, she'd continued evenly, "He'll be fine. He just needs to be with his family again, get used to being home. There's nothing a shrink could say that would help him, anyway."

The finality in her words had stopped Walter from protesting, but he had recognized her reaction for what it was. Moira hadn't wanted to face the fact that Oliver had changed, had just wanted everything to go back to normal, and so had Thea.

In the following weeks, Walter had watched as they pretended not to notice the way Oliver flinched if anyone snuck up behind him, the way dark circles seemed to ring his eyes permanently, and the distant, closed off look he often wore, as if he was now permanently trapped in a reality that none of them would ever understand.

There had been many times that Walter had wanted to say something to help his painfully isolated stepson, but he hadn't dared because Oliver clearly viewed him as an outsider, a usurper of his father's position, at least in those first months. He hadn't wanted to disturb the precarious balance of their family dynamics.

When Walter had been abducted, during the long months alone in captivity, he had often thought about Oliver, and wondered if this was what it had been like for him on the island. He had bitterly regretted not pushing him to talk when he'd had the chance. He still did.

When the service ended, and everyone else had left, Walter's eyes fell on the solitary rose lying on an empty chair. With a heavy heart, he picked it up and placed it reverently on Moira's casket. He stepped back, closed his eyes and whispered two prayers- one for her, and one for her son.

TBC…

A/N: Besides asking for reviews, can I also ask for some fic recs? I haven't found very many Arrow fics which are not Olicity, and I don't particularly like that ship. At least, not the way it's done in this fandom. So if anyone can rec me something good, gen or slash or any other pairing, I'd be very grateful.


	2. To the Brink

Title: You Knelt Beside My Hope Torn Apart

A/N: If some of this sounds familiar, it's because I have taken a few dialogues/scenes from 2.21. However, it diverges pretty quickly from what happens in that episode.

…

Chapter 2: To the Brink

…

_A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage  
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink_

_\- Mumford and Sons, 'White Blank Page'_

…_._

Walking through the familiar rooms of Queen Mansion was an almost surreal experience for Walter. So much had changed since the last time he'd been happy in this house; yet it looked exactly the same. He kept expecting Moira to turn the corner at any moment, or smile at him as she came down the stairs, and it made his chest heart to think that she never would again.

Worse, in only a few days, the house would be completely empty. The majority of the expensive furniture was being auctioned off, and so was Robert Queen's priceless collection of Victorian art. Walter was overseeing the process himself. Neither Thea nor Oliver was in any shape to think about practical details, so naturally, it had fallen to him. Though the family had lost their assets, there was still considerable wealth contained in this and other properties they owned. Oliver and Thea would still be comfortably off, at least for the next few years, and that was a relief.

But it still broke Walter's heart to dismantle this ancient establishment, to sell the things he had once almost, but not quite, considered his own, to perfect strangers. It seemed unbelievable that after so many generations of being _the_ elite family of Starling city, the Queen legacy was over.

Walter watched his stepdaughter as she moved through the room, her eyes disturbingly vacant. He didn't know how she was taking all this, whether she even realized how different her life would be from now on.

"How are you holding up?" he asked when she stopped beside him to look at an old photograph.

"I'm not," she said.

Impulsively, he pulled her into a hug. "Your mother gave her life for you, Thea," he said. "She showed you how much she loved you in ways very few parents could."

"I know," said Thea bitterly, "She died thinking I hated her. All we ever needed was the truth. It was a lie that killed her."

"I don't understand," Walter said, frowning.

"Slade Wilson," said Thea, her fear and hatred for the man clearly audible, "He was on that island with Oliver, and despises him for some reason. There was a psychopath in our lives and my brother never_ warned _us about him."

Shock and alarm jolted through Walter's body. "What are you talking about?"

"They knew each other," said Thea angrily, "He kidnapped us to get to Oliver, killed Mom because he wanted to hurt him. He said so himself, right before he killed Mom."

"_God,"_ said Walter, horrified.

_That poor kid._

No wonder Oliver hadn't been able to bring himself to attend the funeral. He couldn't even begin to imagine what must be going through his stepson's head, and was now even more worried about him. He couldn't help but picture the kid that Oliver had been before the island, the charming, irresponsible playboy who for all his faults hadn't had a mean bone in his body.

"What could he possibly have done to make Slade hate him that much?" he wondered, not quite able to believe it.

"I don't know," said Thea harshly, "Or care. All I know is; if Ollie had told us the truth, we could have prevented all this. But now it's too late, and the only thing I want to do is leave Starling City and never look back. There's nothing left for me here."

"_Thea,"_ Walter said, angered and a little hurt, "Even if you don't count me, your brother loves you more than life itself!"

"If that's true, why does he always lie to me?" she shot back, hers eyes filling with angry tears. "Why does _everyone _always lie to me?"

"Have you asked him why?" Walter countered. "Maybe he had a good reason for keeping all this from you!"

"I know what he'll say if I ask him," Thea replied, an ugly look on her face. "He'll say he lied to _protect _me. But that's a load of crap."

"You're right, it is," said a voice from behind them.

They both turned in surprise. Laurel was standing in the doorway.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop," she said. "I came to see if Oliver came back here. But when I heard you blaming him like that-" He eyes were hard as she fixed her gaze on Thea. "You're right. He didn't lie to protect you. I mean he did, but that wasn't the biggest reason. I think he lied mostly to protect himself."

"What do you mean?" Thea asked, obviously caught off guard. Walter, too, was startled.

"Isn't it obvious?" Laurel asked quietly. "He's terrified of Slade Wilson. Whatever he did to him on that island, it was bad enough to shake him to his foundations. And you and I both know that your brother doesn't scare easy. He lied to you because he didn't know what else to do. Two years he's been back, and he still hasn't even started dealing with what happened to him on that island."

Thea shifted uncomfortably, but still looked unconvinced. "Even if that's true," she said, "it doesn't change the fact that he lied to me. If he had just told the truth, none of this would have happened."

"That's all you have to say?" Laurel said, her eyes flashing fire. "You know, for all that you complain about your brother lying to you, you don't actually _want_ to know the truth. I just told you Oliver's terrified of Slade, and you don't even think to ask _why_ that is?"

Thea shook her head, her eyes wide. "It's not like I-" she began, but Laurel hadn't finished.

"Last year, how many times did you complain that Oliver wasn't there for you?" she demanded, "That he wasn't the brother you needed him to be? Did you ever stop to think about what he must have gone through, to make him that way?" Her eyes glimmered with tears. "He was tortured on that island. His whole body is covered in scars."

"W-what?" Thea gasped in shock, her eyes wide. "I saw the scars, but he never said anything about-"

"And you didn't push him, did you?" Laurel asked, "Did you think he inflicted those marks on himself?" She shook her head, looking disgusted. "Last year, he nearly ran himself into the ground trying to please you and Moira, trying to act like he was completely unchanged by that island; and all you ever did was get mad at him when he failed to keep up appearances."

Thea opened her mouth to protest, but then shut it a few seconds later, looking guilty. That last comment had obviously hit home.

As for Walter, he was sickened by Laurel's revelation. How was it possible that none of them knew Oliver had been tortured, that none of them had ever asked him? How could _Laurel_ know, but not him and Thea? Oliver was his _family,_ and in that moment, Walter had never felt more as if he had failed him.

"You can't leave Starling City," Laurel said into the stunned silence. "Oliver needs you right now."

"Nobody even knows where he is," said Thea.

"Actually, Diggle and Felicity tracked him down," said Laurel, and then hesitated. "He's…he's planning to turn himself over to Slade."

"_He's what?!_" Walter exclaimed in alarm. **"**Why would he do that?"

"He thinks it's the only way he can stop all this," said Laurel. "Felicity and Diggle tried to talk sense into him. So did I, but he just won't listen!"

"He's afraid he's going to hurt us, isn't he," said Thea in a hollow voice. When Walter turned to stare at her, she wrapped her arms around her front and lowered her eyes. "A-after Slade killed mom, he told Oliver that one more person had to die before all this was over."

Walter inhaled sharply. So Thea, Laurel, all of Oliver's friends and family, were still in danger. And Oliver wanted to throw himself off a cliff to keep them alive.

"We have to stop him," he said with grim resolve. "You said you know where he is? Take us to him, right now."

Laurel looked startled. "I don't think-" she began.

"No," Thea interrupted. "We are his _family. _He doesn't get to die on us without at least telling us why." Her eyes were fierce, determined. "This time, he's going to give me an explanation."

"Thea, I don't think you should push him for answers right now, not when he's already this close to the edge," Laurel cautioned her.

"I have to," she said. "Maybe I was a brat last year, maybe I was a little insensitive about everything Oliver went through, but he still really hurt me." She hesitated, and then confessed, "He knew Malcolm Merlyn was my biological father, and he kept it from me."

"W-what?" Walter gasped. How had she found out? How had Oliver, for that matter?

"Are you sure?" Laurel asked, her eyes wide, "Ollie never even mentioned-"

"Slade told me after he abducted me," she said as tears spilled down her cheeks. "Can you believe that madman knew before I did? I spent the last few hours of mom's life hating her guts for lying to me, and then she died saving my life. How screwed up is that?"

"We're wasting time," Walter cut in, "Any second now, Oliver could be turning himself over to Slade. I am _not _losing either of my stepchildren to that man. You have to take us to him, right now."

Laurel continued to hesitate for a moment, and then she gave in. "Fine," she said. "I'll talk to Diggle and find out where he is."

She walked out of the room, leaving Thea and Walter to stare at each other in a troubled silence.

…

TBC…


	3. Washed Out in the Rain

Title: You Knelt Beside My Hope Torn Apart

THANKS TO: Warriora for beta-reading this for me even after all these years. You're concrit has been invaluable as ever, if not more so.

…

Chapter 3: Washed Out in the Rain

…

_You saw my pain washed out in the rain  
Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins  
But you saw no fault, no cracks in my heart  
And you knelt beside my hope torn apart_

_\- Mumford and Sons, 'Ghosts That We Knew'_

…

Felicity's stomach twisted with anxiety as she led Walter, Laurel and Thea down the stairs to Oliver's top-secret facility. She knew that Oliver was going to be furious with her and Diggle for doing this. This was not something anyone was supposed to know about, but as with all Oliver's secrets, the more he tried to hide them, the more they slowly crept out of the woodwork.

And this time, the situation was too dire for them to sit back and do nothing. Oliver needed an intervention. It would take everyone left that he cared about to talk him out of doing this, and even then, she wasn't sure they'd be successful.

They reached the door to the warehouse and she glanced at Diggle, a little fortified to see in his eyes the same combination of dread and determination she was feeling. At least she wasn't the only one who was having misgivings about this. Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the door and stepped around the corner.

Oliver was sitting in exactly the same position they had found him in earlier, on the bare floor with his back to a wall. He looked irritated when he spotted Felicity and Diggle, who were a little ahead of the others. "I thought I told you guys I came here to be alone- what the hell?!" He was on his feet in an instant, his eyes blazing. _"How could you bring them here?" _

"We had to," said Diggle. "You are _not _committing suicide on our watch."

"Oliver, tell me you're not really thinking about surrendering yourself to that psychopath," said Walter.

Oliver inhaled sharply and turned betrayed eyes on Felicity and Diggle. "You told them?"

"No," said Laurel, stepping forward. "I did. You need help, Ollie. You've stood by me through everything; you've saved my _life, _and my relationship with my family- I refuse to let you go down like this."

"You don't understand," said Oliver, his expression stony, "This is the only way."

"No it's not," said Felicity. "Losing you would _destroy_ your family. They just lost Moira; they can't afford to lose you, too!"

"At least they'll still be alive," said Oliver stubbornly. "That's enough."

"It's not," said Thea, and there was a strange note in her voice which made them all turn to look at her. "If you fucking die on me, I promise you, I won't survive it."

"Thea," Oliver said in a placating tone. "I know it'll suck at first, but you'll be fine eventually-"

"No,"she said. "I _won't_ be fine. Not eventually, not _ever._ I've already been through losing you once. I won't survive it again."

"Thea," he said, a little shaken by her tone of absolute certainty.

"Oliver," she said forcefully, "I need you to understand. Last year, you thought that drunk driving thing was my rock bottom? It didn't even come close. My rock bottom was years before that, when I found myself at some stranger's party, in the bathroom, searching the medicine cabinet for a bottle of sleeping pills, while people snorted coke off the slab two feet away from me-" She cut herself off, looked away. "If you die on me," she said unevenly. "I will unravel. I will jump off the top of a high rise building, or slit my wrists, or swallow a bottle of sleeping pills-"

"Speedy," Oliver interrupted, his face leeching of all color.

"-and nothing anyone does or says is going to stop me," Thea finished.

"Thea," said Walter, sounding winded. "God. Did you ever talk to anyone about…? I mean, when did this even- how often did you feel like-?"

"It's not important," said Thea, refusing to meet his eyes. "I felt crappy for a few months, and then I pulled myself together for Mom's sake, and that was all."

Oliver's face was still white with horror. "Thea," he said. "You can't…I could die any day, I could be hit by a car _tomorrow, _or Slade could kill me even if I don't surrender. You _have_ to survive that, or-"

"_Or what?"_ she said fiercely. "How much more do you think I can take, Oliver?"

"You don't understand," he pleaded with her, his eyes wild. "He won't stop until he destroys _everyone_ I love. Not even the Arrow can stop him. He's too strong and he's too far ahead of me and if I don't surrender, none of you will have a chance!"

"Oliver," said Diggle, "We can fight back. It'll take all of us, but we can do it. Just have a little faith, man."

Oliver wrapped his arms around himself. He was trembling minutely, and there was a raw fear in his eyes as he stared at his sister. "You have no idea what he's capable of, no idea how much he hates me."

"Then explain it to us," said Thea. "I deserve to know why my mother died like that."

"Speedy, _please_," he begged her. "Don't do this._" _

"I have to," she said. "What happened on that island?"

Oliver opened his mouth and then closed it again. He stared at her,a lost look in his eyes.

"Son," said Walter gently, "For your sister's sake, if not your own, please tell us the truth."

Oliver looked back at Thea. "You really meant it?" he asked fearfully. "You'd really do that?"

"I would," said Thea, a catch in her voice. "I'm not saying it to blackmail you into giving me answers."

Walter stared at her with a stricken expression, and Oliver turned away with an inarticulate noise of anguish.

"Hey," said Thea, putting a hand on his back. "I'm still here. No matter what you say right now, no matter what you went through on that island; I won't hate you, or think any less of you. I promise."

"You don't know that," he said, so softly that they had to strain to hear him. "Everything that's happened so far, everyone who's died, it's all because of a choice _I_ made."

"What do you mean?" Laurel asked.

Oliver drew in a deep, shuddering breath. His back was still to them. "On the island, Slade was my friend. He and- and Shado. She was the daughter of the man who saved my life when I first got to the island. We- got really close. Shado and I were-" He stopped, cleared his throat. "And then she…"

His voice died again, and the room was enveloped in silence.

"What happened, Oliver?" Laurel asked, her stomach twisting with worry and foreboding. Oliver could barely string two sentences together. Whatever had happened, it was obviously unimaginably awful.

"There was this freighter," he said shakily. "At first, we thought we'd been rescued, but the people on it had another agenda. I got captured by them and thrown into this cell. That…that was where I met Sara."

"What?" Laurel cried out, "You _knew_ she was alive?How could you keep that from us?"

"Because she told me not to," he said, turning to face her. His eyes were wet. "She said if anything happened to her, I should tell you that she died on The Gambit. A year after I found her, I saw her drown. The freighter blew up. I was _sure _there was no way she could have survived that. Not again."

Laurel's anger died when she took in the haunted expression on his face. She was stunned into silence as she was hit with the realization that Oliver had watched Sara die not once, but twice. Could she really blame him for trying to spare her that knowledge?

"N-none of that explains why Slade hates you," said Thea.

Oliver laughed mirthlessly, throwing his hands up into the air. "You're like a dog with a bone, aren't you? Why do you want to hear about all this shit? Isn't this enough?"

"I need to know, Oliver," said Thea stubbornly. "Please."

When Oliver spoke again, it was in choppy, almost inaudible sentences. "Ivo, the man who owned the freighter- Sara betrayed him. She escaped with me to the island. He found us- me, and Shado and Sara. He tied us up, made Sara and Shado kneel in front of me, and then…" His voice trailed off. He was trembling violently.

Walter grasped his shoulder reassuringly. "You can do this, Oliver," he said.

Oliver closed his eyes. "He held a gun to their heads, and told me to choose between them, or he would kill them both.I had thirty seconds. I…I chose Sara."

Laurel let out a small, pained noise, her eyes flooding with tears.

"Oh, God," said Thea, her voice wavering with dawning comprehension. "Slade- he did the same thing. He wanted you to choose between me and Mom. He loved Shado, didn't he? That's why he hates you; he blames you for not saving her. _Oh God…"_

Walter's hands had gone slack. "Son," he said, a catch in his voice, "Tell me you didn't have to-"

"No," said Oliver tightly. "Mom spared me that. She stood up, said both her children would live, and told Slade to kill her." He drew in a deep, shuddering breath, and then turned pleading eyes on them. "Now do you understand? He won't stop. He's going to kill everyone I care about unless I turn myself over to him."

"No," said Thea. She cupped Oliver's face in her hands and looked him straight in the eye. "This isn't your fault, Ollie. You are _not_ sacrificing yourself to that maniac. Mom gave up her life so we could live; you don't get to throw that away. You are the last living member of my family and I _refuse_ to lose you again."

Oliver looked at her determined face, at Walter's pained expression and then at Laurel, who was watching him with fervent, pleading eyes. He looked at Diggle and Felicity who always fought so hard to save him, especially from himself. They were willing to do _anything _to stop him from turning himself over to Slade.

And his sister, who had apparently struggled with severe depression without anyone in her family ever knowing about it, was telling him that she would _die_ if she lost him. Could he really let them down?

His eyes flooded with helpless tears and he turned away from them, burying his face in his hands. "Fine," he said in a choked voice, "I won't do it. You win."

Felicity let out a relieved breath and closed her eyes.

Thea circled around Oliver and pulled him into a hug. She was crying too. "Thank you," she whispered.

Walter's voice sounded near Oliver's ear, a little rougher than usual. "You are not the last living member of Thea's family. I still consider you both my children, and it would devastate me to lose either one of you."

The words made Thea pull away from Oliver and hug her stepfather tightly.

Laurel stepped forward and grasped Oliver's hands in hers. "Thank you," she said, "For choosing her. I can never thank you enough."

Oliver's face twisted in pain. "I almost didn't," he whispered. "I couldn't decide; I loved them both, but then Ivo pointed the gun at Sara, and all I could think of was how I would face you again if I let your baby sister die."

And then Sara_ had _died only months later, as if it had all been a cruel joke, as if the choice he'd been forced to make had been for nothing. Oliver had come back from that, and Laurel had blamed him for Sara's death, just as he'd feared. Her heart aching for him she reached up to cup his cheek, thumbed away his tears. "I love you," she said, "We can fight this, I promise. With…_the Arrow_ on our side, we'll beat Slade. I know we will."

"Just have a little faith," Diggle echoed his words from earlier.

"We're here for you," Felicity chimed in.

He stared at them all, awed by the love and determination in their eyes. He knew, in that moment, that he would _have_ to beat Slade, because he couldn't afford to let these people down. He had lost so much, but they were still here, and they were still worth fighting for.

Oliver swallowed hard and looked at Diggle and Felicity, a renewed sense of purpose in his eyes. "Let's do this," he said.

…

END.

A/N: I wrestled with myself over whether to write this chapter from Walter's perspective but decided against it because I wanted to show that there were a lot of people who cared about him, and to give each of them a voice. I hope the transition wasn't jarring.

If anyone is interested, I have already started writing another Arrow fic set during and post Season 2. It's going to be at least two stories, maybe even a series depending on how inspired I'm feeling. Here's the (tentative) summary:

Tommy survived the earthquake, but the means by which he did so might just make him wish that he hadn't. Now he must fight for his soul as well as his life, and hope the Arrow can save him before its too late.

I know resurrected!Tommy has been done before in this fandom but I don't think it has been done the way I'm planning to do it . So please stay tuned!

And also, please review. :)


End file.
